I took a huge crap and now I am drastically bleeding out my but....I must get medical attention.

ummmm wtf

you seem to bleeding from your butt an awful lot....
I think you should fist yourself every time you go take a dump...that way your butt hole would expand beforehand and not be subjected to unnecessary sudden enlargement...or...you could just enjoy it!!!!
hehe

@BUTTBLEEDER Ummmm.... Then get medical attention.
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@POPANATOR Thats pretty sick

u need medical attention... NOW.

I was walking along just minding my own business and suddenly felt something bulging in my pants. No, not that! (I am a female and don't even have a boyfriend.) Anyway I sat on the park bench to investigate and it turned out to be two turds had come out of my butt and were actually sitting inside of my panties. I ended up pulling them (my panties) to the side and letting them roll out and slide down my pants onto the ground, then my dog ate the "poopie pies." Weird for me, yummy for him. It was just weird because I had not had a bowel movement and I don't think that anyone else would have put turds into my panties. Very strange. I then went back to walking and minding my own business.

Have you ever tried to fart and pooped your pants instead?

Yup